A little over two years ago my life was in turmoil. I was in a violent, abusive situation. I felt stuck. I accepted the fact that my life was the way it was and I could do nothing about it. I even remember having suicidal thoughts. I had been in this situation for so long that I was accustomed to it and I was fearful of the unknown, so I stayed where I felt comfortable – even if it meant id get hurt.

It is a horrible feeling to be constantly paranoid, worried, scared, hurt, emotionally dysfunctional, and unstable all at the same time. I know a lot of us have experienced this at some point in our life and it really sucks.  At one point, I was so sick of all of it; then something in my mind clicked. It didn’t happen over one night though, this was a process and once I realized the first issue I opened my eyes and realized another, and then another; but these realizations took place months apart.

I will not go to much into detail about this yet. There is far to much to explain. So yes, it was a long process – I’m still healing. But life is a long process and it’s all about learning, it’s here for a reason. So if you feel any thing like what I mentioned above, please, don’t feel hopeless – change can happen. Promise. I’ll tell you some of my steps I took to take back my life, and before you think “oh I cant do that” – YES the heck you can. I didn’t think I could and I did.

Our Thoughts are Powerful

1. Being Open to Change.  This is a VITAL step. If you are not willing to change (although it is scary to think outside the comfort zone) you will not succeed. As I mentioned above, I was afraid of change and I was afraid to leave the situation. Do not let your fear keep you in place. Open yourself to change, repeat an affirmation of change. Visualize positive change.

2. Changing Thought Patterns.  Convert negative thoughts into positive thoughts. We as humans tend to have bad habits. We mostly think of a situation negatively. We think of the worst possible situation. I’m not going to lie, its not like i’m always positive. I get into moods and feel crappy but when I catch it, i fix it. It takes about 15 minutes of positive thinking to go from feeling crappy to happy.

3. No More Excuses. “I can’t because” – No, stop. Yes, you can. Okay? Don’t victimize yourself and give yourself reasons to stay in an unhappy situation. Touch your nose! Oh? look… you can control yourself. Tell yourself “yes the F I can – AND I WILL”. I have seen countless people who are disabled do things you couldn’t imagine in their situation. If a no legged man can be an Olympic runner, what excuse do you have? – NOPE! don’t say you cant! JUST DO IT.

4. Accepting pain but not succumbing to it. Pain is there to remind us what we can endure. It is what makes us stronger. The moment you allow pain to be the reason why you give up – you FAIL. We have all failed many times. But guess what? You can get back up and change it. Keep trying, don’t give up. When you accept pain but do not allow it to cause you to suffer, you will transform.

5. Changing the people you socialize with. If the people you surround yourself with have bad habits, do negative things or make you feel negative then purge them from your life. Surround yourself with happy folks, the kind of people who inspire you and who you want to be like. Find people who lift you up not bring you down. Toxic relationships will poison your efforts.

6. Letting Go.  This is the moment you feel the weight come right off your shoulders. Letting go of what hurt you, accepting that it is the past and you can not change it. What you do have is control of your future. Letting go is difficult, no kidding. There are things you can do to help you with this transformation. For example, write down what you want to let go of on a clay pot ( I know it sounds violent) then smash it and visualize it leaving your life.

7. Changing your lifestyle. This is the whole situation here. Although this whole post is all about changing your lifestyle. In #7 I am referring to things like the way you look, your diet, exercise, new hobbies and activities. Make it a weekly thing. Changing the things you do will help prevent you getting back into bad habits. Your goal is to create good habits to replace the old cruddy ones.

8. Doing uplifting things. Eventually sucky events or emotions will try to pry their way into your transformation, this can be a bit discouraging – don’t give up. When these hit, try doing uplifting things to get yourself back on track.

9. Setting goals. I’m sure you have tried this before, and sometimes you may not follow through. Try reminding yourself of these goals on a daily or weekly basis. Start with small steps that lead to bigger goals. Create a visualization board of all the things you want to achieve or have in your life, and most importantly review them!

10. Love yourself. Yes, yes I know you feel this is cliché. If you don’t love yourself or feel you deserve what you want – then why are you seeking transformation? Why did you read this article? Look back at #2 and #3. Understanding that you are a human being, you make mistakes and you are learning. This is the essence of being happy. Forgive yourself. Make a change. Accept and love yourself.  This will open doors for you.

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